Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she smelled like a LAN party
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
