so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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