Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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