He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
