cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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