she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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