i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
