Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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