So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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