i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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