Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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