How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
