Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
