I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
