well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
