you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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