she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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