Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
