did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
