Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize