so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
