he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
