I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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