According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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