Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
