He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
