is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sex in a hospital.. check
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
