Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
