I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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