Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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