there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
