Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize