She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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