ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
