I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
