I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How external is "for external use only"?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
