I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
