Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
