Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
