It's Friday. Sex?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
