U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize