We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
