The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
