as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
