he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
