I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
