If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize