I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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