You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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