Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize