thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sarcasm needs its own font
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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