i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
