You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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