i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
