If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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