Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
