I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
