I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
