You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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