Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
