Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
