He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
