tell your sister to shave her snatch
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
