i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's never too late to be topless.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
