tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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