after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
