super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
