how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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