Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
