are you so shy because you have an std?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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