home. puking in laundry basket.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
