I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
