I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
