with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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