I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
