At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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