Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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