worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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