had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
