i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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