You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Holy shit dude........stairs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
