and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
