so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
