I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize