It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
