woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
