are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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