Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
