i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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