I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
