Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
