Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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